'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,
'Ff'lo
fflo

Christmas Eve Eve

In A2.  So Christmas Eve2 in A2, sort of.

I've just decided not to go see Trumbo tonight.  There are a good handful of inviting movies out now, and Carol is going to be special, if bittersweetly so, and is currently my plan for Christmas Not-squared Eve.  So maybe better if I keep the moviegoer palate clear a bit first (the pleasing tastes of Star Wars still lingering).  And I bet Trumbo is maybe 2.6-dimensional, and I'd probably stay up too late if I went.  I'm okay with it leaving town and becoming a maybe-small-screen option for me.

I feel far away from certain people I love.  One of them just quit chorus, I don't know why, and has been on my mind a lot, in the far-away way, for months.  One of them so often seems to be so near and so far---so impossibly far I ache with it, and have to work not to despair over, while really frankly never at all far from my heart (and I don't toss around lightly the nevers and alwayses and everys of this world).  One of them I wrote a long letter to recently, and much enjoyed being with that way, and wish even now I were sitting in a kitchen with for a long, lazy digressive giggling and deep-heart chat.  One of them I'm quite looking forward to telling I got a Jeep, cuz he loves cars, and I can imagine touching his enthusiasm for them.  One of them may come visit me in the Spring, which is fucking excellent, even if my house is a long way from guest-worthy, all torn apart inside.  One of them hung out with me and that possible visitor in NYC one fine time, years ago, and I was thinking the other day how fun it would be to do that again, and how last time none of us had dogs, but maybe ....

These are just a few of them I'm thinking of.  And that's only of the alive ones.

I'm also thinking about one who was just surprised by a budding break-up of her long-term relationship, and how it's hard to fathom that's going on.  And I'm thinking of my own shaky/strained relationship with my kind counselor, which is its own special kind of not-relationship-yet-relationship.  And somehow that reminds me of a guy I feel increasingly connected to, in a fellow-traveler kind of way, and how glad I've been to be in his quiet presence fairly often of late.

A chorister I don't know very well but like a lot got into my new car with me after rehearsal and gave me a gift of oohing and ahhing that seemed silly even while it was going on but nonetheless felt really good.  OTOH, I finally today picked up what I hope are the floor mats I was supposed to get with the vehicle, and after various hassles surrounding them I find I no longer have the warm feeling toward my automobile sales dude that I did.  But, hey, there's one relationship probably hardly anyone even hopes will be relatively smooth, let alone enjoys.

Had the first filling of the gas tank on the Jeep today.  This is very small news, I know, if any of you are still reading way down at this paragraph.  I'd been sitting in bumper-to-bumper, as I rarely have to, all those Christmas shoppers maybe between me and my floor mats, and realized I didn't know how much I could push this gas gauge.  Turned out I had 0.051 gallons less than a gallon left, in a 12.7-gallon tank.

Yes I guess I'm just blathering now.

I think I wanted to type so's to have an audience for a report from this agent, this evening, this life.  Or, you know, another audience besides the inside of my head.

I bought apple crunch bread.  You want some?

Love,

me
 
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