'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,
'Ff'lo
fflo

Just the elephant head doesn't seem like enough.

I have this idea that I should make an elephant lantern for Fool Moon this year.  But a whole elephant is a whole lotta lantern.

Bought a few new pens and some ink and a few other such items, including 2 pencil sharpeners.  Lorrel had a kind of "Let me get this straight" query when I told her those (sharpeners) were coming, showed her and this guy the picture of the glow-in-the-dark one.


I think it was the part about me buying my own piece of equipment to use at the office.  Can't remember if I told her how the lights go off sometimes when I'm the only one here for a while.  Of course that wouldn't help with reasoning around the non-glow-in-the-dark acquisition.

Had a strange but simple dream early this morning.  Been mulling it over off and on today.  It involved a kiss, but wasn't a good ol' ooh-la-la dream kiss.

Today I dropped out of a Wednesday night thing I've been doing.  I hope it'll free up my time some.  It was making getting my work hours in ongoingly just that much trickier, plus other things about it.

-17F tomorrow night, they say.  Snow probable overnight, possible again on Sunday.  I have surrendered to acceptance of my lot in this area in an irrational way:  I accept that it will never get warm, that this is just how it is.  I didn't mean to accept that.  It just happened.  I realized I'm beaten.  I got no fight left in me.  I'm not always happy about it, but I'm not struggling, as I was for a while.

In non-weather circumstances, that's not the case.  I still don't accept fully.

Pema's daily message today included

As a species, we should never underestimate our low tolerance for discomfort. To be encouraged to stay with our vulnerability is news that we definitely can use. Sitting meditation is our support for learning how to do this. Sitting meditation, also known as mindfulness-awareness practice, is the foundation of bodhichitta training. It is the home ground of the warrior bodhisattva.

The other day it was this:

NOTHING TO HOLD ON TO

When we talk about resting in prajnaparamita, in unconditional bodhichitta, what are we asking of ourselves? We are being encouraged to remain open to the present groundless moment, to a direct, unarmored participation with our experience. We are certainly not being asked to trust that everything is going to be all right. Moving in the direction of nothing to hold on to is daring. We will not initially experience it as a thrilling, alive, wonderful way to be. How many of us feel ready to interrupt our habitual patterns, our almost instinctual ways of getting comfortable?

Emphasis mine.  Cuz I took some comfort in that line.  I'd read another daily reader bit not long before that with the kind of suggestion of a supernatural consciousness looking out for me that makes it challenging for me to set aside my eye rolls to get some use out of it.  "Everything is exactly how it's supposed to be"---yeah, alright, I see how that's got some potential to interrupt some unfortunate thinking, but I don't buy it, and I really don't buy it when there's a Doer involved with Benevolent or Other including mysterious-ways Intentions making decisions about how everything is and the idea is that I'm to trust Him or whatever pronoun.  That's what the relief was from.  The relief of the ring of truth.  The comfort of yes, that is how it is, everything is not necessarily going to be all right, some of it almost surely is going to be quite not alright.

But, I mean, I'm not exactly alright with the perpetual eternal winter with its cold and colder and colder than cold, but I accept it.

Next up:  figuring out dinner, this night in perpetual eternal winter.
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