'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,

up late again, again

I had headache trouble again today, particularly in the late afternoon. Not as bad as yesterday, but bad enough. In hopes it might help, I stopped the caffeine by 2:00 and intended---as I'd vowed this morning, struggling to get out of bed---to hit the hay tonight like a good girl, maybe midnight-ish, anyhow early enough to get a good hunka hours before rise-and-shine (a.k.a. "drag-to-vertical-and-moan"). Now I look up and see I've stayed up for hours re-reading, in an echo of a night, last year, I stayed up for hours reading.

Such pain there. And now here, too, in relation. I am at a loss. Far away, and very close; too far away, and too close.

For so long I longed to cry easily. Now I can, but there's no ease in it.

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