I wonder how the boss would feel about me taking all Mondays off. Boss? You listening?
There's one context in which, this year, I've felt confoundingly helplessly clueless in interpersonal relations. It's been rough. I retain some seed of hope it will improve, though that seed sometimes gets lost in the inner reaches of my heart, or the way-back back of my mind, or somewhere near where last it was spotted, and I despair of it. And that hurts enough that I don't know why I don't just stamp it out entirely. Or maybe I try to, but it doesn't work. And I don't want it to anyway, obviously.
On the other hand, I've been doing relatively well with some lonesome spells here and there. Not all of them, but some. Today was okay lonesome, for instance. I did speak to a few humans, and a dog, but mostly it was me & the pussycats. Slept really late. Morning dreams mixed together people quick & dead, and who never knew each other. Who was it from nowadays in a chair at my mother's, telling stories, or being told them? Olja? It was vivid stuff, but I can't call it to mind now.
I got a disturbing email from my brother last night. It was disturbing because he's having a difficult time these days, and it was disturbing because he spoke again of his sex life, "libido," etc. One time a while ago I gathered myself up and told him that one particular line of that kind of talk of his was bothering me. He immediately backed off, sort of, albeit (as I remember it) with something of a denial of what he'd been saying. I was content to think that might be that, but apparently it wasn't.
I'm not a "TMI" kind of girl---I hate that expression/idea, in fact---but this is an exception. I really don't want to hear about it.
Apart from the better part of a gigundo Frog Island Amber Ale yesterday, I've been intentionally intoxicant-free since last weekend. I'd been thinking I might be getting a little lost in the haze. Or I know I'd been getting lost in the haze--- I was thinking maybe I was doing that a bit too much of the time. Too much for what, I don't know. Just figured maybe a break was in order.