'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,

pushing my luck with the exhaustion

it's started to get my attention when i do this thing, this sleep deprivation et al [sic] et al. as in why i might be doing it. don't get much further than asking, but that's still something--- noticing, and wondering. not stopping it, not wanting to stop it, but noticing, and a small voice saying "why?"

i also wonder why it is that it always manages to stress me in some set of ways when the boss lady is out. it's not like anything really ever happens that matters a whole lot that way, or can't wait. and it never feels like a big deal, even though i joke about it going in sometimes. but, i dunno, there are all these little things, i always forget, and ---and it very probably doesn't help anything when i'm barely awake, running on fumes, what you will.

i like my new horoscope.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you cooperate with the cosmic rhythms in the coming weeks, they will stimulate some interesting changes in the way your brain works. Here are a few of the developments you can expect: a five-point rise in your IQ; a boost in your ability to solve puzzles; a growing knack for heading off bad moods before they even erupt; a sixth sense for distinguishing between what people say they're doing and what they're actually doing; and a dramatic improvement in your ability to know what you don't want.

"cooperate with cosmic rhythms": i can do that. i been getting that groove lately, after all. a lot. screw the IQ, the puzzles, even the moods---it's those last two i want more of. those, too, i been getting, better, lately.

another post of vague generalizations & hot air. as if trying to alienate audience. sorry, audience. whoever you are.

la fiesta tonight w/o & e. then drinks. flashback moments, now and then, these coupla days w/e. funny thing, hanging my head out to holler from the back of a car (that would break down in ohio the next day), the front seat holding one familiar who's long since moved away and one who's just about to. several distillations in that moment. i could go on about it.

the moon, she's just begun today to wax. the one after this one's the harvest moon. already.

hey, those are cosmic rhythms. watch me cooperate.

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