The last round tonight was getting tricky, mixer-wise, so the vodka had only a little pineapple juice in it, with some kinda-old lemon juice from a bottle and a splash of the Odwalla blueberry stuff my old boss Claire said in one of those e-mail fwd questionnaire thingies is her favorite drink (so I think of her whenever I shell out for it when it's on sale, which is still ridiculously not cheap), plus some red Gatorade leftover from lord knows when. It wasn't bad, really. I think it was better than the penultimate round, which had a higher percentage of the blueberry stuff. Of course that round was subject to the concerns of palates of "pie mouth." Have you ever heard of "pie mouth"? Well, if you hadn't, now you have.
The pie was one of the chocolate things in the house, actually. Some miniature choc. cream pie-ette from Busch's, cut in half, so, like, probably less than half a piece of diner[coney]-size pie each. But good. And just the ticket.
The pisser ---one of the pissers--- is that i'm not even leading a lush life in some small dive. I'm not even a half-arsed drunkard, bum. I'm quarter-arsed. Functioning. Not even drunk nightly. But sort of wishing to go off the deep end, even while sorta not.
The H-bomb used to say---and, of course, liked very much to say---that she didn't like to stand near the edges of high places cuz of the urge to jump. I don't know whether I believed her about the urge, really, even when the line was fairly new to me. She loved to say it in one of those particular ways she loved to say things that were linked in my mind with the exhibitionist and-and-or performer (i'm just cheating on the slash banishment, so what's the point) whom i loved and didn't love and loved (and didn't love) but who wasn't always speaking from experiential reality, if you will.
So it's still the end of the day, or waking period, on which we heard about Vonnegut becoming an ex-human. Drunk me wants there to be some lesson, or some message, or just some interesting tidbit of personally relevant info I can or should take from that aspect of this day, like it's one of those fairy cards Denise had, or like Tracy's Brian Eno webpage with the oblique strategies. Cuz I'm a greedy pig of a human being this way: I want NOT ONLY meaning, which is asking a bloody lot already, if you ask me, or if I'm asking, BUT WISDOM TOO. And-and-but I'll give you both back, and throw in an arm and both legs, for connection.
Wait: that is meaning.
blather blather blather
Livejournal never comes around and says "you're cut off," does it.
It's not a problem if it doesn't have a solution, somebody once said to me. (Not Vonnegut.) No solution? Then it's something else; it's not a problem. I take that to mean (whatever) it( it is)'s a situation at hand, a fact of life, an everyday farting around (Vonnegut) to be experienced, not to be figured out, stewed on, or like that. "Maybe you're just sad," somebody might even say.
It would be in bad taste to reference the appeal of (aforementioned) jumping off from a high and dangerous place, would it not? Given that my foster family---which I think you could say went ahead and adopted me outright, two, three years ago---lost a member to a suicide along those lines not real long before it took me in? Ah, but maybe I am not so loyal and devoted an appreciative adoptee as I should be. What can I say. I can't, and-and-or won't, help myself.
"Suck it up," Joel Fleishman's inner 10 year-old chastises him. "Be a mensch."
Suck it up; be a mensch. Is that so hard? Tomorrow is another day. Or, as Roz Chast observed in the panel of rejected alternate endings to Gone With the Wind we were laughing at tonight:
"After all, tomorrow is a legal holiday."
"After all, tomorrow brings us one day closer to spring."
"After all, tomorrow is Thursday."
Hey, at least my versifying is in remission: for this you should be grateful. For this you should [googling for what follows those four words...] thank Him. For this you should exult with joy! For this you should go into a wood or forest at midnight and look at a star. For this you should be in the record books. For this you should be paying no more than £10 per annum. For this, you should just try to get all of the words that are said, including false starts and other disfluencies.
For this you should remove the bulb and dry the connections thoroughly. For this you should carry your police registration certificate with you at all times. For this, you should get your hands on either the Snort-ruleset or the Vision-ruleset. For this you should take into account your technical and professional background, as well as your aspirations and your training needs. For this, you should use the StartPosition property and assign it one of the members of the FormStartPosition enumeration. For this you should apply to the Turkish Consulate.
For this you should be thankful, since it complicates things quite a bit, albeit from a fairly non-complicated starting point.
For this, you should tell those humorless dolts to cheese off.
Goodnight, my little Roseanne Roseannadannas.