'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,
'Ff'lo
fflo

per chance

A few weeks ago I was entering the HGTV "Dream House" give-away contest every day I happened to think of it. (You could enter once a day.) I don't have cable, but I saw an ad on a webpage, and somehow I liked the idea enough to bite. Around then (probably no coincidence) I bought a lottery ticket again (as you may remember me mentioning). I have mixed feelings about how much of a good thing it would be were I to have such a jackpot become mine, of a sudden. But with the house, anyway, I was enjoying thinking (and still can enjoy thinking, as the winner hasn't yet been chosen) that I'd at least have a few escapist hangings-out there with friends before selling the thing to pay the taxes on it. Of course people would have to be able to get time off work. I could use some of the cash part of the prize to fly folks around and all, but I wouldn't be up & quitting my job either, so I could take only however many days I have saved up, and other thoughts like that. And there's the balance of good social works vs. indulgence & selfish house-paying-off type stuff & gifts for friends (which could itself be awkward), sure could be tricky, not to mention you couldn't really effect any great change in social order with even a bigger small fortune ...

Maybe I don't even have to add what I anticipate would be potentially yucky about a Mega Millions win to convey how I have a remarkable (but unfortunate) power: I can---in fact, almost cannot help but---mess up even the most far-fetched & unlikely fantasies with intrusive worries. It's laughable. So (among) my challenge(s) is how to turn up the laughter ad ridiculum, or absurdem, or maybe even beyond, in whatever the Latin would be, until it somehow breaks me of the habit. Or at least interrupts it with other intrusive thoughts so that it's derailed, and I can enjoy the usual pleasures of a $1 lottery ticket, or a chance at winning some plush lodge high up in the Colorado mountains, or anything else one might hope for.

Another time maybe I'll tell you about my other big ideas about the lottery as a reinforcer of limitations.

In the real_astrology department---

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In his article "The Evolution of Culture," Cliff Bostock says that many Europeans who emigrated to the New World after 1492 believed it was a magical land promising fabulous wealth and the secret to eternal youth. Meanwhile, however, European scientists developed the view that "everything in America – from the land to the people, animals, and plants – was biologically inferior to its European 'originals.'" Some Cancerians have a comparable split about their destinies. On the one hand, they idealize the past, imagining it to be better or happier than the present time. On the other hand, they ache for an idealized future that will be better or happier than today. Does that describe you? If so, this your wake-up call. Right here and right now is where all the interesting stuff is happening.

---this week I can say "I actually already knew that, Rob. Really." Mattera fact, I'm happy to report that I'm almost as "in the moment" these days as I ever get.

Funny how lately I've come to be thinking of this hap 'n' stance stuff.
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