Today was chock-full. Some nuts, yes.
My new (temporary best) buddy (and virtual shadow) Bessie Mae & I spent the day together. It was a beautiful day for January 13th; mostly sunny, low 60s. We went hiking in rocky woods & stopped by the (state park) spa (I got the Roman bath & massage while she waited in the car---but she was fine with that) & walked around & scoped out a junk shop (well, she waited in the car) & chatted with people & had a picnic with food from the Sheetz's (where you use a touchscreen monitor to order exactly what you want on yer sandwich) & did a little more woodsy wandering before returning (to the '50's mod) home, where LA was waiting for us (with the news that L did well on the opening day of the book show). Talk, stroll, dinner, talk, home, talk, pictures, talk, bones (I rallied but lost by 15), talk, & (soon) bed.
When thoughts of Holly moisten my eyeballs here, it doesn't feel bad. Though she never visited this particular house, part of what I bring with me is the we we were with L & LA, and the memory of the H-bomb herself; as LA says, they really bonded with her. There's something I like about that (often unspoken) context of their own old love for her, and their knowing, through gut experience as much as conscious observation, so much of what I loved about the woman. It's meaningful & touching & helpful to me---on top of the simple warmth & comfort I enter into here. Not that I don't appreciate all the folk who shined flashlights on her lousiness, or who help(ed) me see what was really crazy when I felt crazy, or got mad at her & (thus) modeled "mad" for me. I salute you/them all. This thing is good, too, though, in a way that helps with the other thing, oddly enough.
I keep restraining myself from saying everything I'm thinking about it. A down side of this atmosphere is that I have some kind of reflexive inclination to proceed to talk to H herself about it, as I did with such notions when she was around. There are still moments in which it feels quite unnatural that that option is not easily at hand.
It was pouring rain out there for a good bit, loudly and unsubtly. Seems to've tailed off now to a steady background patter of showers, such that one hardly notices.
Has a lull-you-to-sleep quality, too, which I'll heed now.