'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,

wrapping it up, pretty much

[story started here]
Continuing Adventures in AntennaLand
How The Fight for the Yoni Sees You Through Your Travails

CHAPTER FOUR, In Which Mismatched Congress is Overcome By Good Instinct Rather Than The Advice of Professionals, Gender Proves to be On A Continuum Even in Electronics, and All Is Then Well With The World

"Looks like what we've got here," said Bert, with a discernable shudder, "is another male end that's been broken off."

It figured he'd recognize it before I did. Men aren't always so sensitive, but they're often sensitive about those male ends.

The replacement antenna, see, had come with a female-to-female connector. We'd now found a way to thread all the cabling where it needed to go; discarded a washer & box-cut a notch in the mounting hardware for the new stanchion (linguistic skills having told us what part must've been the old "stanchion"); figured a way, with the help of a little epoxy, to secure the new mounting; and felt our way to the operative plug to access the main antenna cable running from the back of the car to the front, and thus to the radio---which would pick up only the most local stations through the female-to-female (and then not well), but would play even the Detroit ones beautifully when we held the male end of the new antenna to the mysterious stub on the end of the pipe-shaped connector to the operative plug up under the lip of the edge of the metal of the wall.

The problem had been reduced, as the mathematicians might put it, to connecting that male end to that male stub, or to the female plug that just wasn't the right size for the joining, as the Kama Sutra warns with respect to the congress of a yoni and a mismatch of a lingam.

I was going to have to hit the auto parts store.

Sad poorly-coupling cables in hand, I consulted the parts counter guy, who referred me to the stereo guy, who was an affable kid, and who also knew a broken-off male end when he saw it---but whose solution was to buy 10+ feet of antenna cable and fish it from the back of the radio---which might mean buying this here bracket to pull it out if I couldn't get at it behind the dashboard---through the side walls of the car body to the back, thus bypassing the too-small-yoni plug and extant cable altogether.

Though I saw its logic, I found myself balking at that idea. It wasn't so much my desire to fight for the partnering of the nonstandard female end as it was my doubts about the plausibility of my success with the kid's technique for feeding the cable through---use "lots and lots of electrical tape, or duct tape, or something like that---and even if it breaks off, you can get all those panels off with just a coupla screws." You know how those car stereo dudes are with taking apart the whole bloody car. I installed a stereo in the Jeep once, and it worked and all, and felt like an accomplishment, but that was about enough of that kinda thing for me for this lifetime.

I left the epoxy the kid found me for rubber/plastic-to-metal and the 10+ feet of cable at the check-out counter & went out to take another look at the vehicle. That pipe-shaped bit of cable, with the end that buckled just fine to the little-yoni plug, had what might be a Ford part number on it; maybe I could try ordering that specific connecting cable. I came back in to buy just the epoxy & go home to check the internet.

But when I went to put back the 10+-foot cable in its proper spot, like a conscientious shopper, I took a minute to look through all the other items in the audio area. And there it was. Shaped like a pipe. Standard female on one end, and, on the other, the proper connector for the little yoni (which actually looks less like a male end than a female, and clamps onto a male-ish bit inside the yoni plug---all very pleasingly hermaphroditic). And, sure enough, the package said it was for Ford radio antennas, 1995 and later.

I couldn't wait: in the parking lot I broke it open and plugged it all in.

There came forth from the rear speakers, above my head on the opened back hatch, such a blessed sound of 80s pop as you rarely experience in this day. And it was Good. And it was:

The spheres are in commotion
The elements in harmony
She blinded me with science
"She blinded me with science!"
And hit me with technology

Home, connect, test, epoxy, replace, show BTK: alriiiiiiiigghhtt.

AND I've got a leftover female-to-female connector. Should I decide at some point I'm up for connecting to a female again, all I'll need to do is take it out with me, find a female, and Voilà!

    THE END   {well, after maybe a brief Coda next week}

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