'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,

coolest birthday ever---literally

It was pretty cool figuratively, too. But I don't remember being anywhere on July 2 where it got down to 48° F.

Good weekend so far, after a little initial anxiety. Friday night's concert was nuthin' but fine, fine, fine. She did lots of new stuff & I know I'm gonna like the 3 discs she just put out. One old one she did throw in was "Come A Long Way," which I wrote about a bit here, in the long version of what I told the newspaper guy, but in which I didn't mention part of what makes me smile about that song: the chorus is

I've come a long way, I've come a long way
I've gone 500 miles today
I've come a long way, I've come a long way
And never even left L.A.

---and that ends with what are not only the initials of my dear heart pal, but my own. When I first got ahold of that record, I was tickled by the extra, private meaning of me being in there. It added something that made me smile, in a kind of "anywhere you go, there you are" hokey sort of way. Some comforting consistency in the face of the churnings that are our lot, and grounded in identity, which is ironic & nice, for somebody who feels awful floaty that way, as a rule, and is even (when pressed) a tad suspicious of identity itself.

You know, much as I remember thinking people in their 40s were old, I didn't have a clue how much I'd feel, at this point in life should I make it to this age, that I'd been through so very much. Lived many lives already. Had whole lives I'd practically forgotten, or of which I could barely call up the flavor now. When I think now that I feel old, it's almost always in that way, not in the tired or aging body way---after all, my body has recently been rejuvenated by a small miracle. I mostly feel old in the way that I have so much in my experience that big hunks of it are way below the surface most of the time, and I can actually begin to relate to how it might be feeling to an elderly person when you see her reminded of something long forgotten, and there's that calling up from the depths, sometimes with a mild smile. Age does seem to bring increasingly mild swings, as life, in some ways, gets less dramatic as it gets longer.

Unexpected waves of serenity have briefly broken over me of late.

But I was going to talk about my birthday. I guess we'll just say I was with some of my favorite people, and I ate out twice, and wandered around, and had a nap, and ended with Sunshine and then lingering driveway chat, which is something I love in a way I don't understand. In the car like that feels peaceful like the peaceful shoe-puttin'-on trance, and I don't know why. And I don't need to know why.

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