June 13th, 2018

Hopey thinker

Bow Tie Wednesday

Why not.  I'm perverse.

This here bow tie is the one I learned to tie on, after carrying it around for years, when my colleague here at MR showed me how, one day almost five years ago.  So it's my back-to-basics tie.

This morning's dog report is that she's still with us, perkier, possibly having a side complication that isn't life-threatening, not ready to eat, and a good dog.  (Okay they didn't say that last part but it's true.)  I'm supposed to get a call later today with the latest, and the results of the most recent bloodwork.  I've been telling people out loud (not only things they probably aren't nearly as interested in as I am about the miraculous liver and its tricks but also) how superstitious I am about daring to think she might get better because some part of me really things that very act of hoping or letting in the idea that it may all be okay will in fact CAUSE the dog to decline.  I'm telling people because I need to hear it in the light of day and openness of sentences and articulated ideas in the attention and witness of my fellows in order to persuade myself, temporarily, that it really isn't true.

Go on and bring it out into the sun, sister Lisa.  Yank it from the suction of the muck, like in that Adrienne Rich poem*, and hand-over-hand it up here, into the air.  It's not to make it go away, per se.  It all deserves its glint of recognition.

*from the Twenty-One Love Poems:


     Your silence today is a pond where drowned things live
     I want to see raised dripping and brought into the sun.
     It’s not my own face I see there, but other faces,
     even your face at another age.
     Whatever’s lost there is needed by both of us ---
     a watch of old gold, a water-blurred fever chart,
     a key....  Even the silt and pebbles of the bottom
     deserve their glint of recognition.  I fear this silence,
     this inarticulate life.  I’m waiting
     for a wind that will gently open this sheeted water
     for once and show me what I can do
     for you, who have often made the unnameable
     nameable for others, even for me.

bobby hill

another vet call

Her liver function numbers have gotten worse.  Yet she's acting "perkier and feistier".  No appetite.  Transfusion now (help clotting ability) and maybe a steroid tomorrow (help inflammation, not good if it's infectious, but probably the call).  Not in pain.  Acts excited to see the resident and the technician, seems to recognize them now.

Resident calls her "very much in a gray area"--- clearly this means there could be very bad news in the not-distant future.  Yet she's still stable.  And she could still pull through.  Next bloodwork numbers tomorrow.  Biopsy info still won't be back for a while.  Student to call later today with another report.

Bert said his dog Tucker was up there for about two weeks once, and did recover from whatever that long-slog healing had been about--- they never did identify the cause.  I don't care if we never know the cause.  That's not the thing, of course, for me.