October 12th, 2012


danged insufficient nail polish

just went to put some (clear) on my fingernails, but it's all glopped up in the bottle.  i have some modest nail action going, on more fingers than not, and have an idea i'd like to cultivate them.

the O's hung on in the 13th inning in yankee stadium, and there'll be a Game 5.  De-troit has it sewed up.

texting with stevo, here at 1 in the morning, as i write.  he musta stayed up for the game, i realized, though initially he was writing back about the patent office being talked about on terry gross today.  he's gonna be in tennesee this weekend.  but in knoxville.  buying a speaker.  

it was coming out day today.  i said elsewhere something about feeling the occasion more this year.  thinking how coming out has been, has changed, has probably also remained largely the same--- it makes me feel like, like, a vet'ran queer.  sorta.

i didn't come out today so much as go out.  worked in the yard, after giving lula some serious fun in the world, earlier in the day.  gave haircuts, as olja calls it.  bushwhacking, as katie did.  i didn't do much homework at all.  i saw kelley and holly's new place.  it's gonna be homey.  they have a fireplace.  and a sledding hill right outside their sliding glass door.  snow party at those guys's, if it snows enough this year.

the sleeping-in luxury this morning turned into deep thoughts, or, i dunno, contemplations and trying to look straight at stuff.  ironically, on coming out day.  ha ha.  later on the phone mcg said something about me not wanting to play games, and i wish i had her verbatim memory, cuz it was good stuff, to me.  rich (not ironically).  something about me wanting to (know what i feel and) be honest about my feelings and have people --- hell, i can remember.  it wasn't "have people not run away".  whatever it was, it sounded, when she said it, both entirely reasonable and entirely pie-in-the-sky.

maybe i'll dream about pie in the sky.  when you think about it, pie in the sky would be really weird.  do you picture more than one pie?  i picture many.

a baseball poem I saw linked to among baseball poems linked to and like

Dream in Which I Love a Third Baseman
by Lisa Olstein

At first he seemed a child,
dirt on his lip and the sun
lighting up his hair behind him.

All around us, the hesitation
of year-rounders who know
the warmer air will bring crowds.

No one goes to their therapist
to talk about how happy they are,
but soon I’d be back in the dugout

telling my batting coach how
the view outside my igloo seemed
to be changing, as if the night

sky were all the light there is.
Now, like two babies reaching
through the watery air to touch soft

fingers to soft forehead, like blind fish
sensing a familiar fluttering in the waves,
slowly, by instinct, we became aware.

Off-field, outside the park, beyond
the gates, something was burning.   
The smell was everywhere.