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May 13th, 2007

gonna sleep well tonight

workout outside

after poetry, & cooking a kinda impromptu midday meal

after clearing a path to the table, and (more or less) clearing the table too

mostly done a buncha laundry too

mamma woulda been proud

or not

(i didn't actually call her mamma when she was alive, or only rarely, on a lark; dead she has been 'mamma' a lot more)

that garrison keillor feed told us this today, among other things:

When the novelist William Maxwell was 10 years old, his mother caught influenza during the epidemic in 1918 and she died. Maxwell wrote, "It happened too suddenly, with no warning, and we none of us could believe it or bear it ... the beautiful, imaginative, protected world of my childhood swept away." He later said that every book he wrote was an attempt to capture that experience. He was once asked in an interview what he would say to his mother if he could talk to her. He replied, "I would say, 'Here are these beautiful books that I made for you.'"

among the other things (fed) was the thing that the holiday's timing, on the second sunday in may, goes back to that being the day when the mother of anna jarvis, the daughter who thought up the holiday, had died.

---whoa: a mourning dove just pulled up on the magic branch outside, startling humphrey when it sang and was then chased off by a buncha little black birds. i've seen those doves over around the driveway before, but not there. if i didn't know the name of the bird it wouldn't have been a 'whoa,' of course. but i do know.

this morning i thought of posting just for this:

reluctance to take care of yourself

what does that mean to you? have you had that, and in what ways? see it in others? what's it got to do with your/their relationships with others (or other others, if we're already talking about others)? there are those TCB kinda ways of taking care of yourself, and there are classic and not-so-classic ways of taking lousy care of yourself, or actively undermining your own well-being, in kind of an anti-caretaking.

what's it about, that reluctance, those reluctances. resistance. refusal. hesitation. can't bring yourself to, don't want to. easier to care about almost anything else.

then there's coming to take care of yourself, however well you do or don't do it, when and because you're the only one there to do (the vast bulk of) it.

then there are parts of yourself you take good care of, even protect vigilantly (sometimes to your detriment), and other parts you neglect or actively endanger, or even throw to the sharks. and there are ways of coping, ways of keeping it together or keeping it going when you can barely do either. survival tricks. hardly taking care, but managing something.

horribly vague generalities, i know. yet wondering what some of ya'll might think & have to share, after reading the vague general words, or just the phrase "reluctance to take care of yourself."

off to get the trash out now

gonna be too cold to leave the windows open all night, i'm pretty sure
 
Janus
fflo
'Ff'lo

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