April 18th, 2007

my eyeballing

still up.

i need a real night's sleep so bad. but any more it's a struggle to bring myself to put my body down & let go of my consciousness. like the book's too good. funny, i never have that problem with actual books--- or rarely. in fact if i were to lie down & read, i'd drop right off. so i'm not doing that. i'm pushing it.

right now i'm thinking about the push-me-pull-you of wanting so much for someone to take you seriously but then being barely able, or outright unable, to take it when someone does. i've been on both ends of that one, i'd say, sometimes with what feels like really clumsy eagerness (on each). and here i'll delete several sentences that this paragraph originally plunked down, but leave you some words from them: "really bright" and "tortured" and "extraordinarily appealing" and "offer" and "not always dead-on right, let alone welcome". and the dreaded "pushed back".

they played a clip from planet of the apes on some radio show last weekend while i was doing dishes. the famous "ah, damn you! god damn you all to hell!" line. so that's replaced "goodness, goodness, goodness sakes alive" in my worn-and-skipping mental record groove.

hope it doesn't get me in trouble muttering it while getting coffee in the admin kitchen tomorrow a.m. or later this a.m. today i stepped out onto the ramp and said "fuck", just like one does that all the time. just cuz that's what came out' my mouth.

my consciousness actually wants to turn off for a while now. it and my body are in concert in this regard. why am i fighting it so?

Nikki Giovanni's poem sucks.

Watch it here.

Yeah, she said "AIDS" out loud in a room with George Bush in it. And she cites a few other tragedies that link tragedy to tragedy in a way I'm sure Americans can't hear enough. But what is this "prevailing" she's talking about? And doesn't the poem just suck?

hunh. well.

Didn't Supreme Court decisions used to come out only on Mondays?

excerpt from this CNN story:

Sole woman on bench reads bitter dissent

In a bitter dissent read from the bench, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the only woman on the high court, said the majority's opinion "cannot be understood as anything other than an effort to chip away a right declared again and again by this court, and with increasing comprehension of its centrality to women's lives."

She called the ruling "alarming" and noted the conservative majority "tolerates, indeed applauds, federal intervention to ban nationwide a procedure found necessary and proper in certain cases" by doctor's groups, including gyncecologists.