I have just realized I need to exhaust myself physically.
I've been exercising myself to the limits emotionally, and wearing myself out with coffee and not much sleep, and even working the noggin to the point of rubbery brains now & then. But it's been a fortnight since I went & used up the better part of the energy of my plain ol' pure muscles, bloodstream, lungs.
One of the lessons of this stage of my life has been how very good for me that occasional practice can be.
When life is so clearly instructive about something, why do we sometimes have such a hard time learning the lesson?
that's why it was so horrible knowing i was in for something like that
to be "in for" something, to know you're in for something now, when the something isn't good... how do you walk through those first days, those first weeks, those first months, those first (i bet you know where i'm going here) years? -- it's not as if you believe you'll ever get here, the beyond
i'm supposed to be editing, so i guess i'll get back to that
shouldn'ta plugged in the earphones
one nexus of the thing, sorta, in two tracks in a row
how can i go so wildly, widely from giddy joy at newfound lightness to craziness on the edge of petrified AUGHony in just a few minutes here, there... ?
i'd say it's music, and music is dangerous, but it doesn't happen only with the music -- wasn't plugged in today, after all
yet now i want to say three tracks in a row
the gift of the preposterously more agonizingly horrible image of motherless child, a parting macabre nod for the stepping-off to the weekend, was really sweet
i am so lonesome yet i am so not lonesome
who wouldn't be confused, trying to think about any of it?