'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,

Thanksgiving Break, Day 7 -- Thanksgiving Eve

I cooked the second of the packaged meals today.  It does pay to season food carefully, though I probably oughtn't be salting things so much as I have with these (following instructions).  Other things I've learned:  I really don't care for green beans, even when seasoned. Also I like buttered noodles more than what's served on them, often.  This latter thing isn't so great to realize when I'm trying to avoid the refined.

Did just send off the email to say no more to the crosswords.

Am watching The Godfather of Harlem, as it's suddenly available free, cuz I like Forest Whitaker, and it's good.  Saving A Rainy Day in New York for the holiday tomorrow.

Concocted a plan for a fun kind of not-vandalism but sneaky minor landscaping in a public park, today.  Might undertake that.  If I can only sneak in small tools, it'll take longer but feel sneakier, and I like that.  Honestly I could very likely just carry big ol' loppers all the way there and not be much noticed for it, or questioned.  Dunno.  I like having thought of it.

The killers in Brunswick were convicted.  Wild.  And wild that's it's wild.

Yesterday I went the whole day without checking how many steps I'd gotten in.  I didn't enter steps for the times I was moving around without the phone.  It was a sudden impulse toward breaking with that addiction.  Today I did take a look, dead curious about how many I'd gotten in, as I was on my way to do some walking today.  I'd moved the app to a back page of my phone, and that meant I had to be deliberate about scrolling to it.

It isn't good, the app.  Numbers are way too easy to obsess about, and edge out other elements of experience all too easily.  I get why the program says not to count anything.  Yet I can fall into it, and have a sort of perfectionist superstition, when I get a good streak going.  It's really no way to live, and somehow I suddenly have had the courage to try to stop it.  It's not that I want to stop getting lots of steps in, although I would like to stop thinking of it that way.  It's about not thinking of it that way.  It's the right thing, for all parts of my health, but especially the mental health.  Yet it's ridiculously calling to me, that damned app, even when I know to congratulate myself for setting it aside.

Time to put my feet up now.  Tomorrow is a day off laundry and other break dailies I've been aiming for.  I actually have "Laze around" and "Laze around some more" on my to-do list for tomorrow.  I remember being struck at one of the (other-)family Thanksgivings I was at a few years ago at how everyone was contentedly sitting about enjoying themselves, and---here's the thing---how their doing that was like instant/automatic permission to me to do the same.  To relax and enjoy.  This is a function I have yet to get right with myself, though I had it years ago.
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