'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,

Lordy, I'm spent to-day.

It's a hot one in these parts, this Sunday.  I did get up to shut the windows this morning, and it's not too miserable, in front of a fan.  I'da gone out to a café or something, but I'm so zonked.  Slept off and on, after practically collapsing into bed around midnight, over the next 12 hours.  Ate a painkiller and another half a painkiller.

All this I think because it was chorus performance night last night, outside at the farmer's market.  I ate weirdly and little until late, and then ate hurriedly and badly.  I also got a fair amount of sun, for me, yesterday, and I think that, along with all the being out in the world, rather wore me down.  There was one unhappy surprise, too, that I hadn't anticipated, and that I think got to me more than I might've thought it would, maybe partly cuzza the surprise, maybe partly cuzza a certain weird overlap in that regard.  I did tell one fellow about it last night, and that was good, I think.  Wouldn't have said anything but he brought up the subject, and it would've been shitty to myself not to speak my truth about it then.  One of the things he said among the indications of understanding he offered has been echoing with me in a nicely validating way.  It was an observation that explains part of what's so hard about this particular case of the phenomenon.  I look forward to mentioning it to my therapist.

It's so weird to be out there in people again.  We got a much bigger crowd than I'd thought we would---folks were speculating that people are really ready to be out in the world doing things again.  I dunno, I personally have major ambivalence about it, on some gut emotional level.  But I too am glad to be out in it.  Geez, it was exhausting yesterday, though.

That said, there were many hugs and many (masked & unmasked) faces I hadn't seen in a while.  The mutual high of having put on a show was different this time.  It seemed to be more about just having pulled off being in each other's company and doing the thing we ostensibly come together to do, vs. about having presented a satisfactory show to an audience.

My goodness but I was spent, though.  Still am.  Had a headache that's only now letting up.  (Bet that was the sun part.  The sun saps me so very.  For I am indeed a moon child.)

This hot afternoon and evening I'm not going to be doing the kind of living room clean-up and prep I'd hoped to make real progress on before (what I hope will be) my new chair shows up.  But I got the payroll in, and I have done just about as much side-hustle puzzling as I'm gonna do (just gotta get that feedback in), and I can manage the litter box & trash & recycling.  If I do about 2 hours of work tonight I can have the trainee set for the next couple of days.

Tomorrow is a big day.  It's the first day some of us go back to the office to work.  !!!

Can hardly wait 'til the library's open in person again, for hot weekends.  July 12th.  And I've practially promised Tracy I'll live not only that long, but a good stretch longer.  So, y'know, here's to that.

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter is on TCM.  Will I finally make it through that film today?  Maybe.  Could be a good day for it.  Then again, I think there are a few new "Hacks"[es] I haven't gotten to yet....

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