'Ff'lo (fflo) wrote,

What it reminds me of is

What it reminds me of is when I struggled to choose a major, right up to the deadline.  The obvious candidate was English Lit.  But my dad was an English Lit. guy, and that fact alone kept me scouting other options.  Other majors I could do and still fit in all the lit classes I wanted to take.  It's sort of hard to imagine now that I wanted to take all those lit classes.  Except the Middle English ones.  That still makes sense to me.  And there wasn't a film major.  Or an anthropology one.  Anyway, I caved and went with it.

All this to say:  I took the job.

I mean, I'm already doing it, and would've been teaching whoever else took it just about everything about it.  I still want that imaginary person to do certain parts of it, but those parts aren't as hard when we're all in our separate not-in-the-office spaces.  More money is nice, too.  More more money would've been nicer, and so would've been having even a modicum of success in my first-ever salary negotation.  But, you know, I was pretty much fated to take it on.  It's spiritually a duty, or even a calling, in these circumstances.  There's a service element to it, and I do believe that it's good to have something to dedicate oneself to that way, psychologically as well as in whatever social structure ways people think about those things being good.

Of all things, watching Supernanny helps me accept, in my frontal noggin anyhow, the potential benefit(s) of routine, and I'm hoping I can covert that into a gut understanding of it as good and helpful in self-care, instead of the life-erasing force I have (gut-)considered it, from so long ago I can't remember before it.  This new gig will go better if I have more routine.  It's like a religious conversion is called for.

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