I also really hate being close to tears when not in a tear-friendly situation. I don't know why-all I feel so vulnerable these days, but I sure do.
It seems like lotsa Things just keep getting worse, harder, more hopeless, deteriorating, etc. And, in little ways here and there, piling on, lonesomer.
Plus it seems like I am never gonna get out of debt. I almost hate getting close-ish to it again, like an oasis I'll never reach, and like progress isn't gonna help with the next kick in the teeth. Lots of the words for torture have a tease / bait / entice-and-deny meaning. Sisyphus. Sirens (the women, not the alarms named after them). The x axis on the debt reduction chart.
I'll deal with what I have to deal with. Cuz I have to. I need to be a better friend to myself, and help me out. I want to be a better friend to myself, and help me out. Including somehow not asking more of myself than I can manage, even if I need it, or sure could use it, and sure don't feel like I've got what it takes.
It gets weird fast, thinking about one's relationship with oneself.