ella chin in hand

Postcard of the Day

One of the many many things that many many of the many many us did this past many months to try to make things better for the many many was to write postcards to people in Iowa about the goals of the campaign and the movement that was our best shot at real change.  Oddly enough, I didn't scan a copy of the card.  I just made sure all of ours got in the mail to be distributed, to go out and do their part.

Bernie said good things today, about what gives him hope.  And he's that kind of guy.  Still, it is a sad day for the many many, in one more big way, today.

Bow Tie Tuesday

A big ol' pouring fat rain thunderstorm has arrived!  And I have the windows open.  Lightning!  Booms!!

I'm at my old iMac in the bedroom, where I used to sit and watch the birdfeeder and look down the street and feel alive in the weather.  After I got the dog, and then the laptop, the sitting here was pretty much over.  But I've come back, for the big screen and the keypad (on my replacement keyboard), so deja freakin' vu.  It smell so good, the storm.

People are posting stuff in the re-cap of my quiz, talking of which songs/videos they like the most from the show.  I have some of 'em playing, after playing some '70s songs, cuzza a quiz on that today (a mini-league).

Still not done with the day's work, though.  All stretched out.

I couldn't find the bow tie I wanted to wear today, which is especially a shame for reasons I'll show you in a mo', if you're willing to go looking for it.  First, here's today's:


The bummer that I couldn't find the one tie is that I made a new accessory out of the same material I made it out of, and that woulda been a match.  But no match.  Collapse )

Gee, this storm is the goddamn BEST.  :D

I had a major mood downturn at the end of last week.  And my knees were killing me, so I barely walked this weekend, or yesterday.  Today I was just gonna go outside to be outside, but it was nice, and damn holy halleloo if my knees weren't so bad.  I got down the street a spell, and around the blocks, past Patrick's yard.  Spring's just about to bust over there.

Probably gonna have to go ahead and struggle with this messed-up storm window frame to put in the screen.  Bert was amazing hefting the whole thing up fall before last, with both glass panels in it, but I can't ask him to do that again, and I ain't tryin' it either.  I'd thought I could fix it with screws, so the top part would hold, and the bottom could be switched out fairly easily, like the other windows.  Anyway, this weather outside windows, particularly a storm--- it does something for me, like bringing back a little life or something.  I can't explain.  But let me here fix it in my head, so I won't fret over the next polar vortex if I've not swapped the screen back out, cuz the open windows on both sides of the corner are fuckin' magic, Lisa.  Remember.

Feel the air on the maskless face.  All is not quite over.

I forgot to talk to T about the thing we were talking about that I talked a little to my talk person about.  Got a laugh about it not being anti-feminist, among other things.  I also got a laugh by opening our video session with me in my new mask.  Practically a guffaw.  And a "You can't be too careful!"

But of course you can.  And the whole being careful thing is deadly, if left to spin its full force upon a soul.

The danger of this desk is that I can sit here for hours and hours.  So enough for now.  Finish that one last work thing, and back to the TV.  Got the dining room window open too.  Maybe it's rained in on the table.  I hope it's rained in on the table.

Pouring thunder rain can put ya in the moment like little else.

Did I mention it smells great???    I T   S M E L L S   G R E A T


Hello from the Middle of the Night

Every school night now I write you
At 3 or 4 or 5 & however many mins
To say I won't be in in the morning
Here while no one is in, yet we all are,
Me too. But tonight I already wrote,
Two-ish hours hence. So I write at you
This way instead.

I just opened my moon app, first time this
Quarantine; it sez we're at 99.7% full,
So maybe I felt that, somehow,
The child of the moon you know
I am. We are also nearly at the top
Of curves of how intensely we're
Dying and nearly so, around here.

Even after all this time I'm tickled
You're watching my show. I went and
Watched where you were. They're not
Just a boy band made up of 4 Joshes;
It's chock full of lines I think of you in.

You may be the only one who
Would believe there's a way
I anticipated this business, if only
By two months of wondering how long
I could go on my stored foodstuffs,
And why don't I, soon---
Drawn many times back to the idea
And wondering where it came from, food thing
-S always a complicated mystery,
Particularly for women.

Odds are good now the dawn comes ere
I snooze, even some 20-minute tease.
In college I wrote an insomnia villanelle. It was better
Than this, but not really good. But the form fit.

Something there is to everyone else
In dreamland, or unconsc-elsewhere,
While I'm here, alone in this time,
Wakeful, and not loving a wall.

The internet's down at the office. / Saturday / "pestilence-related agoraphobia"?

So I can't knock off this little bit of work I was gonna knock off while waiting for dinner delivery.  Yes, I'm splurging and increasing the risk a smidge, in exchange for some cheesesteak action from Jersey Mike's.  Free delivery, but I'm tipping exorbitantly.

What is that "orb" doing in there, you wonder?

exorbitant (adj.)

mid-15c., a legal term, "deviating from rule or principle, eccentric;" from Late Latin exorbitantem (nominative exorbitans), present participle of exorbitare "deviate, go out of the track," from ex "out of" + orbita "wheel track". General sense of "excessive, immoderate" is from 1620s; of prices, rates, etc., from 1660s.

Thank you, Online Etymology Dictionary.

Today's the day the recommendation that we wear masks went out.  I think I have some elastic in the house.  I have one old mask for painting fumes from my painting supplies box; might have another in the big excess hardware items box downstairs, but I kinda doubt it.  I sorta like the idea of making one out of a bandana.  Pretty sure I have some elastic among the sewing things.  Gonna have to hand-sew it, but that's hardly a hardship--- it's just a few inches here and there.  Might use the flannel sheet Lu chewed up to make liners, instead of the rags I was imagining turning it into.

The art of ragmaking has returned to Mudville Asterisk (Asterisk There is joy), my home.  Paper towels are to be conserved.  I have several rolls of TP but am rationing it too.  And making my way through the groceries with strategizing to limit trips to the store, it feels knda daring that I'm ordering delivery.  Like it's against the spirit of the times.

It's the next day now.  The delivery was a mistake.  Left me with a belly ache I wouldn't have had from my own cooking.  Tasted good, yeah, but not worth the combo hurtin' tummy and tiny hit to contact minimization.

My morning recovery meeting was scuttled by Zoom adding passwords. I'd not gotten enough sleep, and didn't have much patience for the problem.  Yesterday I didn't have patience for a couple of things, both involving folks not of a bent to put themselves in someone else's shoes.  Likely this is a passing mood, but it does cross my mind that it's the opposite of how I "should" be, of how it's wise to be when connection is in danger.  I think this new flavor of isolation is pinging some old shit in me.  But I don't regret, for instance, flat-out telling the neighbor that I was trying to get further away from her and to please stop following me if she wants to talk.  I was at the end of an unusually long walk and one knee hurt, and having to go faster and faster to try to open up some distance from her was making it more painful; no doubt that physical pain increased my chance of (what felt like but really wasn't) snapping at her.

The thing is, I know that this neighbor is that way.  It's the neighbor who dropped Lu's leash to the ground after I'd started her lawn mower for her.  Fuck her.  That is to say, know who she is, and have your guard up.  In the other case I also know that that person is that way, not a two-way streeet.  I know there will be times I have to be more direct, or just take it when I am no longer down with taking it.  And I'm no longer down with taking it when I am no longer down with taking it.

Today I hope to take the Jeep somewhere, just to start it and run it a bit, and to get me out of the neighborhood.  This seems like a good action to take regularly to guard against agoraphobia.  Shall I google pestilence-related agoraphobia?  Probably not.

Finally started looking at Tiger King.  I dunno.  It does grab me.  But do I want to get sucked into this?  And become inured to it?  There is something to be said for retaining one's sensivity.

Yeah, here I am, in self-isolation, strategizing about my own psychology, pondering it, pondering how it might work.

I guess I'll give the Tiger King show a little longer to switch to being more about humans being horrid to each other.  That I can take.  That, yeah, okay.

Getting outside is the best thing I can do for me right now.  It's warm-ish, and the rain's not coming until a little later.  Time get get shod and get outta here for a bit.